plastic cupcake

i found out this morning that my friend, nathan neel, has gone to heaven. i am still in shock but wanted to keep all of you who were also his friends, updated.

nate’s current facebook status still reads, “Nathan is sore after his awesome run last nite!! He is looking foward to going to chill in the Canyon and Amarillo Thursday and Friday. Nathan needs some time to himself!!” –he had gone to palo duro canyon to spend some alone time with God, and something terrible happened. the next day (yesterday) some picnicers in the area found nathan’s body.

the amarillo paper covered the story and you can read the full version here. there was no sign of a beating or gunshot wounds. he was very muddy, so authorities suspect possible drowning.

i’ll keep you all posted as i hear updates on funeral and autopsy reports.

i wanted to take a moment to say a personal word about nate. he started coming to first baptist and was a part of our college ministry several years ago. i had the honor and privilege of knowing him personally and watching him, time after time, choose Jesus to overcome sin and idolatry in his life. his faith was infectious. he was driven by the love of Christ, to reach others.

nate had just been voted in as youth pastor at new home baptist church. he had a beautiful girlfriend, nicolle, who my heart breaks for.

my favorite memory of nate is mission trip to cali, 2006. he, leanne lagasse and i, spent a day painting together. we were working on a ceiling, too and at the end of the day we were all covered in paint! i have a picture of the three of us somewhere. i will look for it to post. he had the most positive outlook in life. i learned so much from him by watching him love God.

i have to say. although i don’t know what the last moments of nate’s life were like, it must have been amazing. sitting in the beautiful canyon, spending time with God. i just picture him in the open night sky, singing, praying, feeling God’s love surround him. and then he was with Jesus. it’s so beautiful.

miss you, nato potato. thanks for being my friend.

holla.

sunday at church, jacob preached over the first sixteen verses of john 11. this is the chapter about lazarus, jesus’s friend, who dies and is brought back to life for the glory of God. there’s so much to unpack here, but because this is my blog, i get to write about how it affected me directly. :)

sometimes we are drawn a picture of ’salvation’ that looks like this: we are thrown overboard a ship. we can’t save ourselves but someone throws us a life preserver and we are saved. perhaps a more accurate picture of salvation is being thrown overboard and drowning…laying on the floor of the ocean, lifeless. then someone (jesus) comes along and raises you up…gives you new life.

i think this is the big picture going on in john 11. basically, there are going to be things in our life that we have to die to, before he can save us.

we have learned from jacob, throughout this study, that so often, jesus is teaching his disciples and working miracles to usher in understanding of things not only in the physical realm, but the spiritual realm. so while they are soon to see lazarus raised from the dead, another big picture of what is going on here, is that jesus is going to preform this miracle, this act of resurrection, because he will be performing it soon, for himself. in other words, he is going to raise himself from the dead, and this experience with lazarus, gives an account and authority that jesus is the messiah.

i journaled furiously after the sermon, and i think the obvious question is, “what do you need to die to?” but i don’t want to ask the obvious question.

my melancholy tendencies take me to death, many times, and i often stay there. i get lost in the dark and forget. so, i decided to take captive my thoughts and give a platform to Good, and ask “what has given me life?”

well the answer is Jesus. but through what? easy: community. as my mind flooded with memories of death and guilt and ungodly things, i became overwhelmed with the fact that even in the depths of my own depravity, 1. jesus loves me, 2. he sees fit for me to teach and love and encourage and friend his other children too. WHAT? crazy.

sometimes it’s really hard for me to respond to a love like that. i don’t understand it in the physical realm…people don’t act like that. there’s something in me that can’t quite connect those dots because i don’t think i deserve it. i think it applies to everyone but me. but this teaches me that it is also in the spiritual realm that i must exist and love and obey and seek understanding, because that’s where this great love is radiating from.

i found myself feeling very small as i was writing on sunday. i am like this tiny little spec of dust in the timeline of eternity, and jesus knows everything about my past present and future. i don’t want to ever loose sight of his bigness. and if i believe the ancient scriptures that teach me he is my strong tower, my deliverer, my friend in time of need, then he will, indeed, give me new life when i meet death.

jesus, help me to recognize the gift of life.